Domestic violence victim: 'Silence only empowers the abuser'

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Domestic violence victim: 'Silence only empowers the abuser'
Carolyn Mahoney uses the story of her near-fatal beating at the hands of her ex-husband to show that domestic violence can affect anyone

By Amanda Marrazzo
Special to the Tribune
September 4, 2009

On a bright, crisp morning nearly five years ago, Carolyn Cox should have been merrily preparing for her first trip to Europe, but instead she was fighting for her life after being brutally beaten and locked inside a carbon monoxide-filled garage in her Bull Valley mansion.The attacker was her husband of more than 40 years, millionaire businessman Billy J. Cox, who is serving a 20-year prison sentence in the Dixon Correctional Center for attempted
murder.Meanwhile, the now remarried Carolyn Mahoney shares her story with audiences across the country about living decades in silence as an abused wife. "Sometimes I just want to put it in a box and I don't want to get it out," said Mahoney, sitting in the airy sunroom at the 15,000-square-foot, $2 million home she and Cox built on an 11-acre wooded lot in 2001.Since Cox's conviction in April 2007, Mahoney has told her story about 30 times to college sororities and family and women's groups around the country. In October, she will speak at Purdue University in Indiana and Auburn University in Alabama.Mahoney, 67, prepares mentally and emotionally for each speech and is exhausted after each one, she said. She details the morning of Sept. 13, 2004, and how Cox bludgeoned her with a blunt object -- which has never been found or identified -- in the head and face while she slept, then dragged her bloodied body down a hallway and locked her in the garage where two cars were idling.Recounting her story is painful, but "I was told once by a young girl, 'I am living your story,' " Mahoney said. That chance to help women in similar circumstances is what keeps her talking, she said.Mahoney tells of frightening moments throughout her marriage and how her husband's aggression increased over the years. It began early in their years together with insults, belittling and oppressive control such as not allowing her to attend her family's church, she said. The abuse increased to shoving, slapping, then punching and kicking, and she would respond by making excuses for him, she said."I had this illusion we were doing all the right things," she said. "There were no domestic shelters 40 years ago. It was a secret. You do not tell neighbors, family. You make things work."But Mahoney said she learned firsthand that "silence only empowers the abuser."No one suspected what was going on behind closed doors, Mahoney said. She has a master's degree, and Cox has a doctorate. Cox invented the agricultural chemical that helped to build his successful company, Exacto Inc. in Richmond. They were worth millions of dollars. They were country club members who supported local theater and arts. Mahoney emphasizes during her speaking engagements that domestic abuse knows no prejudice and involves people from all socioeconomic backgrounds."I am the face of domestic abuse," she said to an audience in a half-hour documentary about her. DVDs of the show sold for $20, with proceeds benefiting Turning Point, a McHenry County domestic violence agency and shelter."She has been instrumental in moving the issue of domestic violence out of the shadows and into the light because she is willing to be public about her story," said Jane Farmer, the agency's executive director. "It tells people it truly can happen to anyone."During his trial, Cox's attorneys insisted that he had no idea what happened to his wife that morning. Cox testified that he had been on the back end of their property for about six hours clearing brush and bird-watching. He claimed that the first time he saw his wife was when he opened the garage door to see the police officer outside the garage and his wife limp and bloody on the ground between two vehicles. Defense attorney Mark Gummerson argued that she had hurt herself when she fell off a ladder in the garage.The Coxes were scheduled to travel with friends to Europe that day. Police were called to the property for a well-being check after family and friends had been unable to reach the couple that morning.Jurors found Cox guilty of attempted murder and because he was considered a flight risk, he was immediately handcuffed and taken to jail. Officers who searched him in the jail found he had $10,000 in cash. Cox has appealed his conviction.Mahoney still bears faint scars of the near-fatal beating. She has had three major surgeries and has a metal plate in the left side of her face to help rebuild her cheekbone and eye socket. She lives with double-vision, some hearing loss, dental problems and balance issues."It is a miracle that she survived her brutal attack that day," said Nichole Owens, chief of criminal prosecutions for the McHenry County state's attorney's office. "Carolyn triumphantly overcame her tremendous physical and emotional obstacles and has become a passionate advocate for domestic violence victims."She tried to divorce Cox, but the proceeding was put on hold during the criminal trial. The divorce, ending a 47-year marriage, was made final in 2008, with Mahoney awarded Exacto stock, her home and other properties. Cox got 25 percent of the assets.About 18 months after the attack, Carolyn Cox, with encouragement from her daughter, tried online dating and met Dennis Mahoney, an attorney from Wisconsin. Mahoney, 67, supported her during the criminal and divorce trials and continues to back her mission to help women in abusive relationships.On July 5, in front of about 50 guests, the couple were married in the living room of the home where Carolyn Cox was almost killed. She wore a pale pink dress and he a modest suit. Her great-grandson was the ring bearer and great-granddaughter the flower girl. "This home, everything you see is a part of me," she said. "The house was not at fault. I wanted to have the wedding here to make new memories, new life, happy memories."
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